apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
