like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
