so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
