Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
