I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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