I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
