Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
