2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
