Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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