I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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