Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
