i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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