just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
