I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
