Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
