Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We need a shit load of segways right now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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