I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
