I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
