Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
