Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
