Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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