I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
