i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
