sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
