If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
