i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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