I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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