You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
