i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
