Fuck appropriateness.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
