I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
