when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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