So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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