She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
