my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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