the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize