Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
