That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize