Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
