on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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