She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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