Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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