but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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