the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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