sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
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