i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
