GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
