How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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