I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
