Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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