I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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