So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
