YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
