What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
