if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
