Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
