dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
