My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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