She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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