woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
only you would photoshop your dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
