Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
