my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
