I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
