I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
