Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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