I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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