i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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