Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found puke in my bra..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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