very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
